hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
