why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
