I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The ass gains better be worth it
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