standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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