i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
MIDGETS
????
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
