only if we run a train.
done.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
