i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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