This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize