Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
two words...techno handjob
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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