I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need to calm my uterus...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
