My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
