It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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