So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
