checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
