you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
