Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
