Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
