i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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