You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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