WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
