Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
