advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
