somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
