Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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