Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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