She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
