And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
