I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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