you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The best revenge is premature balding
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
