so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You dont lie about slip and slides
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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