shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
