i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
