Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
