Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
