Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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