Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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