hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
