I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
