My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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