Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
