In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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