i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
