you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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