Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
