so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
