When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
