i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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