....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
