I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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