Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
me + whiskey = a bad person
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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