My hand turned me down
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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