Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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