alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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