I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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