So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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