he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just had sex bonerless
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
