her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
