So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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