I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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