I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
