so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize