Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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