Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize