i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
